We all know the golden rule…”do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Well, I think there needs to be a golden rule to step parenting…”do unto your step children as you would have others do unto you and your kids.”
I have had two profound experiences with step parents that are sub-par. One with my own step mother and one with my son’s step mother. Both made a huge impact on my life. Coincidentally, the experience with my step-mother gave me the insight and wisdom to talk to my son’s step mother, and help her to see that she needed to change.
My situation with my step mother has turned out very different than that. She is bitter, mean and extremely hurtful. Everything is a competition between her daughters and myself. She has pitted her children against me and has caused major damage in my relationship with my father. Only after years of hard work on my part was I able to forge a relationship with one of my step-sisters and repair the extensive damage with my father.
My step sister and I are very close now. Sadly, my step mom caused major damage to her relationship with her own daughter. My step sister saw that the what her mother put me through was not fair. She learned who I was and the fact that her mother tried so hard to make her hate me discussed her. She lost respect for her mother, but our relationship has flourished.
I used this experience when I saw that the same thing happening with my son and his step mother. After our talk she was able to put herself in my son’s position and things have completely turned around. She now has a great relationship with my son, her son’s half-brother, and we have become friends. We compare parenting notes. We talk about life and truly do share a friendship. Our children will be better off because of it.
I beg you, please if you have step children treat them with respect. It is a horrible feeling to grow up in a home where you are not wanted. Children are innocent and even if they have behavior problems they still do not deserve to be treated badly. There is a good chance that they are dealing with a lot emotionally and being unkind to them will only make things worse.
If you are not able to do this please do not choose to be in a relationship with a parent. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Choose the one without children.
If you are interested in reading more about my experience growing up with a step parent I will be posting that story soon. I hope that my experience will help others, because I do not want anyone else to go through what I went through.
I grew up as an only child, like about 20% of US children today. One thing that I remember the most was the feeling that I got when I returned home from a friend’s house. It was a lonely sinking feeling.
I could never explain it to my parents who both grew up with siblings. Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but this is a different type of lonely. It is a sad sort of depressed feeling. It is a feeling that is very hard to overcome.
The funny thing is when I started to feel this way I did not want to do anything or even be around anyone. I didn’t want to sleep either. Nothing seemed to make that feeling go away. I just had to wait it out.
Well, that feeling is back tonight. I do not know why. All of the sudden, that sad feeling just descended on me. It is a feeling that I can feel physically. Almost a pain in my chest. I do not want to cry, but then again I do not want to do anything else either.
I guess I will make my mission for tonight to find a cure for the “only child feeling”. Hopefully, I can find a “cure”, because this feeling is enough to drive someone bonkers.
I truly regret that such a long time has gone by with out me posting anything. I am going to start posting new content regularly again. It has really been gnawing at me. I have really been wanting to blog lately, but it seems that so much time has gone by that I didn’t know where to start so I figured this would be a good place.
You have to start somewhere. Honestly, I write all the time. I just haven’t been felt like typing for some reason. I do not know why I seem to be so much more creative with my writing when I actually put pen to paper instead of typing. Then, by the time I finish writing typing it out seems trivial. Anyway, I am making a commitment to stay focused with my writing or should I say typing.
I have a few pieces I have recently written that I am going to post. I have decided to schedule time each week to blog. I read somewhere that it is beneficial to write at the same time every day, because then your brain gets used to being creative at that time every day. I already write every night, but I have blocked out time in my schedule 3 times a week to post new content. I am hoping that by following a schedule I can remain consistent.
I look forward to sharing more with you soon. 🙂