Category Archives: Updates

Starting a New Venture

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It has been quite a while since I last posted. I apologize for that. Life has been very busy,  but what I realize is I was happier posting. I have gone through a difficult time, but hiding doesn’t change that. It actually makes it more difficult.

I have hidden from friends and family, because I am critical of my own situation. I had to learn something I have really known for a long time and that is that we always have to have faith. When you lose faith everything really starts to fall apart.

I finally learned to have faith again and things are getting better. I am doing the work I always enjoyed doing and working on a business venture I have been trying to launch for a few years.

I hope that with my new found faith and help from a good friend that I will be able to finally get this going. I am excited about possibilities again, which is a very important thing in life.

I hope to share this part of my life. Wishing love, good memories and success to all who are on the journey to wonderland.

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A Time to Remember – At the Circus

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A few weeks ago I decided to take Jeremy, my amazing son, to the circus. It had been a while since we had enjoyed something like that together and Jeremy had never been to the circus. I was really excited when I purchased the tickets. I got the best tickets I could find. Our seats were right in the middle, so we wouldn’t miss anything.

Jeremy was with his dad for his summer visit, so I thought it would be special to pick him up for a fun activity. He always misses me when he is at his dad’s for a long time. I called to tell him about his surprise and he couldn’t wait.

The big day finally arrived. I picked him up and off we went.  Eric and Jeremy’s grandma joined us. When we got there I bought Jeremy a ridiculously priced program, which came with clown glasses. Jeremy’s little face, which honestly isn’t so little anymore, lit up like a department store Christmas tree. He insisted I fix the glasses right there, before we walked in, so he could wear them.

We made it to our seats right as the show was starting. Jeremy watched in amazement as the clowns and performers did their routines. He was awestruck at the tricks performed by the tigers, elephants,  and poodles. He excitedly applauded for the performers. I was filled with joy at the site of the most important person in my world having such a grand time.

At intermission, Jeremy wanted nachos, so Jeremy, Eric, and I made our way to the concession stand, to buy a couple outrageously priced orders of nachos.  We returned to our seats to watch the second half of the show, which the ringmaster promised would be even more spectacular than the first. Jeremy ate his nachos and finished watching “the greatest show on earth.”

It seemed like the show ended not long after we returned to our seats. Jeremy again applauded the performers. When we first arrived at the circus a dragon sword caught Jeremy’s eye. He’d asked me then if he could have the sword and I told him he could, but that he had to wait until the show was over.

Jeremy was so polite, as he usually is. He waited without out one word to get the coveted sword. I know it wasn’t easy for him, because he really wanted it the moment he laid eyes on it. We made our way to the souvenir stand and purchased the special sword.

Jeremy was the happiest kid on earth at that moment and I wouldn’t trade that experience with him for all the money in the world.  I haven’t been able to take him to do a lot of things like that recently, because work had been a bit slow. In the past, I always made it a priority to go do fun things with my precious child.

Our circus experience ignited a spark in me. It made me realize how important it is to build these special memories. Jeremy won’t be excited about going to the circus pretty soon, at least for a while, when he becomes more concerned with what his friends are doing than spending time with me.

I have to treasure every amazing moment with him. It doesn’t matter how much money I have. I can engage in fun activities and share special memories with Jeremy for free and that is what I intend to do. Everything else will be okay as long as I am rich in love and life experiences.

My Fantastic Father Forgot Father’s Day

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This is a really fine example of the fine characters I reside with. They are selfish, self-serving jerks to put it lightly. My step-mother is the definition of evil and my father is too stupid to notice or too selfish to care.

Yesterday, was Father’s Day.  A day for all to acknowledge and thank their fathers for what they have done for them. My father has never been what a father should be.  He has never been there for me when I needed him. He always did the bare minimum.

When he was there or when I lived with him he was very verbally abusive. He didn’t protect me like a father should. I lived with him for my last two years of high school and those were some of the worst years of my life. He was rarely there and I basically had to raise myself, while literally being treated like Cinderella by my step-mother and two step-sisters.

Despite all of that, I still remember him every year, which is not an easy task. Even finding a card that is not completely bs is difficult. As I stood on the card isle reading through card after card that would not work for me I realized that those cards are what a father is supposed to be. I had to fight the tears back as I read each one and imagined what it would be like to have one of those dads. I wondered if the people on either side of me had a dad like that or if they too had a dad like mine.

So, yesterday I finally found a card that was honest and still kind. It simply said, “In my heart there will always be a place where I’m your little girl.” Inside, I wrote a heartfelt message. I told my father that I appreciated him and the fact that he taught me to be a strong independent person. I always give him credit for the things that he has taught me, even if they were through a lack of caring. I also bought a card from my son and I both wishing him a stress free Father’s Day.

I came home and gave him the cards and coffee I had for him. He told me that he needed to brush his teeth and shave before he could read them. I thought that was a little strange but didn’t put too much thought into it.

Then I went outside to fill the water bowl, as he had instructed me to fill it with new water every time I let my dogs out. While I was outside my step-mom came opened the door. Very clearly to see if the bowl was filled so that she could tell my dad I hadn’t done it so he would yell at me. When she opened the door I noticed she was dressed like she was going somewhere. I asked her if she was going somewhere and she responded with a hurried, “yes”. I then asked her where she was going. She completely ignored me closing the door.

As I sat outside for a minute, I thought to myself that she must be going somewhere. I wondered where she was going. I thought that it would be nice for me to be able to take my dad somewhere for Father’s Day.

Then, I heard her inside talking to my dad. I heard her ask for his car keys. I went inside to see him sitting on the couch putting his shoes on. He opened the first card, the one from Jeremy and I, and said “thank you”. He then opened the second and said, “oh this is too long I’ll have to read this later.” I asked him where he was going and he informed me that he was going to Galveston with my step-mom and her mother. They were going to eat and to the beach.

I was shocked. I couldn’t say anything but, “have a good time.”  Nothing else would come out.

So, once again, when my Dad was supposed to be with me he was with my step-mom and her family. For years, he lived with her and her daughters and missed every holiday with me. I remember so few times that he even came to see me or called to see how I was doing.

I blame them both for this. He is my father and it is his responsibility to say, “Today is Father’s Day,  I am sure that Amy probably wants to do something with me.” I blame her because what women asks her husband to go on Father’s Day to the beach with her mother and doesn’t invite his daughter or grandson?

Many times in the past I let this bother me. It still hurts, but I will not allow this to bring down my spirit. I will not take responsibility for this in any way. My father’s inability to be there for me does make things a bit more difficult in life, but it makes success so much sweeter.

I hope that all of the good father’s out there enjoyed THEIR day. I hope that they all know what a gift it is to their children just to be there for them.

Challenge: Day 14 Healthy Eating

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Day 14 Menu

Breakfast:

Chobani Pineapple Greek Yogurt

Snack:

Krave Beef Jerky

Lunch:

Grilled Chicken Lettuce Wraps

Snack:

Krave Beef Jerky

Dinner:

Sautéed Dover Sole w/ Black Eyed Peas